


Dreams That Glitter

by faithinthepoor



Category: Girls Aloud, Pop Music RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-24 23:58:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set following the filming of Girls Aloud Party</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreams That Glitter

The combination of a long day and pleasant post coital fatigue are trying to drag her into slumber but she can seem to make the journey. Even with her eyes firmly closed she knows that she’s being watched. It’s not an unpleasant sensation but it is a distracting one. She realises that sleep will need to be postponed and opens her eyes.

Nadine looks contrite, “Sorry.” Her whisper is soft but heartfelt.

“It’s ok.”

“Sometimes I can’t help but look at you. I know you don’t think so but you look so gorgeous stripped of makeup.” She smiles indulgently and pulls Nadine closer to her. In a way Cheryl understands what Nadine is saying. Somehow when they are alone and all the vestiges of the outside world are removed they feel completely connected. Earlier when Nadine emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel and backlit, Cheryl thought it was without a doubt the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. She felt an undeniable sense of pride that she got to see Nadine in that moment.

“You not sleepy?”

“Yes and no.”

“Why do I get the sense that you want to _talk_.”

“Don’t make it sound so dirty.”

“I’d rather do other dirty things with you,” she replies lasciviously.

Nadine chuckles and then pins her hands between them, “Is this how you thought your life would be?”

“What’s brought this on?”

“I don’t know. Time of year I guess and those bloody skits about how our life was as kids.”

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about. They didn’t truss you up as a granny.” 

“I thought you made an adorable bitter old woman.”

“Careful what you wish for.”

Nadine’s fingers flinch and she breaks eye contact. Cheryl knows that she’s violating an unwritten rule. They do not talk about their future. She’s not sure why, maybe they believe if they examine what they have too closely it will cause it to evaporate. “You didn’t answer my first question.”

“What was that?:

“Is this how you thought things would turn out?”

“Sorta. I didn’t picture us having to act like a twat on national tv though.”

Nadine cringes, “Oh Jesus I can’t be watching that. In fact no-one I know can be watching that. I’m so glad my family’s in LA.”

It’s Cheryl’s turn to flinch, “I wish you didn’t have to go.”

“I’d be in the way if I were here.”

“No you wouldn’t,” she’s adamant if not realistic.

“You would be with your family anyway.” She notes that Nadine doesn’t elaborate as to who that family includes.

“It would still be nice if you were closer.”

“You’d only talk to me on the phone, same as you would if I were there.”

“True but my way’s cheaper an’ better.”

“If you say so.” The is an air of finality to Nadine’s words and she closes her eyes terminating her own conversation. Cheryl knows that Nadine’s not mad, after all she is still gently stroking her hair and placing tiny kisses to her temple, it’s just that there are some things better left unsaid. 

It’s pointless to tell Nadine that she wants to spend the holidays with her. They both know that they want to be together and they both know it can’t happen. Shining a spotlight on the situation will do nothing to change it and will serve as a reminder that they will probably never spend Christmas together.

There are so many things that they will never have. She knows that she can whine all she wants but that Nadine will continue to live on another continent. It’s not like there is nothing that she can do about it, she understands the equation - she’s married to Ashley and Nadine lives in LA. Until one of those factors changes the other won’t. 

She often wonders how Nadine copes so well with the situation. Even though it’s incredibly selfish and she doesn’t really want to block Nadine from happiness she can’t deny that she likes it much better when Nadine is single. She doesn’t like to think about a future where she has to compete with Nadine having a husband and children and yet Nadine faces that future for Cheryl every day.

Marrying Ashley seemed like the right thing to do at the time and she doesn’t actually regret the move. She loves being a part of a family both in the extended group that she has joined and the tiny unit that her and Ashley make. That doesn’t mean that she sometimes doesn’t fanaticise about what it would have been like if she had have made that family unit with Nadine. In some ways she has it’s just that it’s this part-time secret family and so much less than what their relationship deserves.

She never set out to be in a relationship with Nadine. In many ways they are just a drunken snog that never ended. They never had a conversation about where they were going. There was no talk of commitment. There have been plenty of declarations of love and devotion but all within the context of relationship that would never be their future and never see the light. It’s not what they are though. What they have is real. Her stable rock that she has based her life on isn’t the man that she married but the woman she sometimes gets to hold.

Maybe if they had have known that the they would last they would have done things differently. It was just a magically surreal secret. Something special they had to keep them both going. It was never meant to turn out to be her big love. How come the clairvoyant could tell her that she was meant to marry a footballer and couldn’t tell her that while he might seem like everything that she needed he would not be the love of her life?

She’s tried so hard not to be her parents and yet in the end she will be just like them. She will bring her children into a web of lies. They’re not bad lies but they are still lies. She does love Ashley and her children will know who their father is but they won’t know that, despite the tabloid rumours, she’s the unfaithful one. Her children will even know Nadine and never understand what she means to their mother. 

Sometimes she thinks that best thing to do would be to end things with Nadine but letting her go is not within her power. Nadine is everything that keeps her sane and if she is anything at all it’s because of Nadine. 

Nadine’s hand has stilled its movements and she moves her head to rest on Nadine’s chest. “I thought you were asleep.”

“Getting there,” she responds and arranges herself in Nadine’s arms. “I like it here.”

“I like having you here.” And that’s what it boils down to – they like being together. It’s not the fairytale life that she may have dreamt of but it's her life and it’s completely simple and ridiculously complex.


End file.
